I had "give up" days last week where I gave up on housework and my accompanying better today than yesterday philosophy. Where I came home from work and ate some crackers and milk for dinner, considering that a success. Where I came home from a Bishop's appt and sobbed in my driveway. I've pictured what my mountain to climb video would look like and the after is too far away to picture or dream about. Lonely is so difficult for me, it feels like I'm a living version of the Tin Man, just hollow inside. Add a dose of self doubt and it's a miserable feeling.
Where I am now feels like forever, I don't know that I have the strength to get through this, and if I do what is next? If I give up now will things stop being so hard? It feels as if my ability to cope has been completely over estimated.
Being a single parent outright sucks sometimes. There is no one there to give you a hug and say that everything is going to be okay, you can get through this together.
That said, things are still better than they were. It's harder, definitely, and I miss things that I never had in my marriage but better than they were.
I have Visiting Teachers coming by today and a bit of cleaning to do so I need to get off of here for now.
Many times I heard from my mom how hard it was to be alone. I totally understand now that I am an adult and I cannot say anything except I understand.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible is clear on this. We live knowing that everyone is a sinner and that none of us have a perfect situation except through the Blood of Jesus Christ. We can live with the hope that through our Saviour we can gently progress through each day, sometimes second by second.
Take care and remember if you have Christ, you are never truly alone.
(((hugs)))
Jennifer
Thank you so much for comment! I have had times where "one day at a time" was entirely too much, so I'd take it breath by breath.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right about never being alone
My phone is being wonky. Not only are we never alone, but Christ is the only one who is able to understand exactly how we feel or how hard things seem at any given moment.
ReplyDeleteExactly in Matthew Matthew 11:28-30
ReplyDeleteCome unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
I find this to be a great comfort!
Jennifer