Holiday Season {30 Days of Gratitude}

Thanksgiving prep took my nice blogging streak away, but I love the holidays.  Turkey, ham, family, stuffing, PIE, Christmas music, beautiful lights, traditions, baking, more pie and more ham. The holiday spirit has hit me early this year, typically stress and chaos hides it until the last minute but this year it started with Thanksgiving prep.  

I understand from a been there, done that perspective that the holidays can be hard and seemingly more so for those who have smaller support systems.  Please know that my heart goes out to you and if you need a shoulder to cry on or a plate of cookies I'm here.

Excess {30 Days of Gratitude}

***I will have to add the picture later, I forgot that blogger doesn’t like phone images***

I can be very tight budgeted when it comes to grocery shopping, mostly by need at various times. As I went grocery shopping today for Thanksgiving I am grateful that occasionally we are in a position to have excess.  I love Thanksgiving and this year I’m finding myself more in a holiday mood and hoping to continue an excess of traditions (I nearly didn’t have ham and turkey this year, until I realized how important it was to others)

Sunsets {30 Days of Gratitude}

Sunset is my favorite time of day, often on crazy hectic days it's the only time I remember to stop, breath, and appreciate my life.

Faith {30 Days of Gratitude}

What does faith have to do with bread?  Why when I had all of the prep for Thanksgiving did I spend today making sourdough?  See what the boules up above turned into?  They smell better than they look. (both are out of the oven now)

Last week I promised my primary kids bread like pioneers made so I woke Sheldon (my sourdough start) up and spent today in a kitchen covered with flour and watching for flour, water, and salt to work it's magic.  A few years ago for girls camp I starting thinking about the analogy of sour dough bread being like faith.  There are several ways to get your start, sometimes they are borrowed from other people, started on the kitchen window sill with flour and water and careful feeding, ordered off of the internet, "cheater" starter with potato water and yeast.  None of them are wrong, but just like faith it starts in many different ways.  Soul searching alone, born in traditions our parents teach, etc. but eventually faith and sour dough have to grow on their own and not rely on others.  The analogy goes on, but I have a disaster of a kitchen to clean up and it's getting late.

Is anyone interested in me sharing my sour dough technique once Thanksgiving has passed?  Either traditional sour dough boules or bread without any of the sour dough tang that simply uses sour dough starts to leaven the bread.

Books {30 Days of Gratitude}

I love books, book stores, and libraries.  The feel of turning pages and the smell of an old book is comforting to me like a warm blanket.  I can't think of anything that you can't learn from books, whether it's Facebook for Dummies (not kidding, we saw it) or being transported to a magical world full of muggles, flying cars, and good friends it's possible with books.  Go pick up an old favorite of whatever genre you like best and escape the chaos for a while.

Purple {30 Days of Gratitude}

Sorry this is getting posted late, I'm working on that tricky thing called life balance and I promised myself that I would get some chores done before I hopped online for writing or playing with pictures.  Good news is my tile, stove, and sink are all shiny clean.

Today I can't be grateful for anything if I'm not first grateful for purple.  Earlier this week I had a last minute idea to have friends, family, and whoever else wear purple for Neil's chemo today.  I didn't realize at the time that today was National Pancreatic Cancer day (I did know November is awareness month)  I made a post, made a few shirts for us and hoped for the best.  Neil said it best when he was looking at my Facebook page and said "so much purple"  It's a sea of color showing people who are pulling for us and we are definitely feeling very loved today.  Thanks for your support.

Love {30 Days of Gratitude}

Love comes in many forms, but when it comes from someone who makes you feel complete, safe, and whole your entire world changes.  I'd heard from many people how much they liked Neil because of how happy I was.  I guess it mostly made sense, he does make me happy and completely content in ways that I had only heard about and didn't really believe existed.  It's one thing to feel it yourself, it is even better to see it in someone you love and care about.

Family {30 Days of Gratitude}

Photo Credit Jenelle Lacy 

I love this tribe of mine.  Ups, downs and sometimes it feels like we're in a snow globe that has been shaken up but I wouldn't trade them for anything.  I don't have a picture of extended family so you'll have to imagine them in there too.

Flowers {30 Days of Gratitude}

I know there aren't many flowers there right now, but doing 30 days in November makes it hard to get pretty flower pictures in my yard.  I prefer my flowers growing in the ground instead of a vase, at least most of the time.  This fall weather has been amazing and I spent today out in the flower beds while Neil raked the lawn.  I had salvia, lavendar, beard tongue, and flax that did well this year that I am hoping will be back next year.  My corn flower did okay, so she might be back too but it's her first year and this fall it was a struggle.

When I'm in the garden with dirt in my fingernails my mind wanders letting me sort though problems and stresses.  The benefit of my garden therapy time is beautiful flowers that thrive in the sunshine.  It will be a long winter before I see the benefit of today's work but I know it's coming.  Along the back I have irises planted from Harmony, mini daffodils in a few clumps, a row of crocus along the front (2 different bags and I didn't mix them up so I probably won't love them), chionodoxa in 2 clumps in the front bed and 2 more along the fence line, regular daffodils at the end of the fence, and some hyacinth.  I will have to come up with summer/fall plants but for now I should be good through spring to early summer.  

Sunday Drives {30 Days of Gratitude}

Sunday drives are never about where you are going, they are about the ride.  Google maps don't get involved because we don't care about the fastest or most direct route and time rarely matters (sometimes we have someone stopping by and then it matters)  Stopping to appreciate the landscape, wildlife, or perhaps the cows is of greater importance than the route we take.  It's easy to apply it to life as well when everything gets hurried, audited, caught up in numbers and statistics -- that's not what matters.  Did you stop to see the calf?  To talk to people? Did you realize your neighbor was having a rough day and needed a smile?  Did you hold the door open for a stranger pushing a stroller?  I believe when all is said and done it's not where you end up but things you did along the way that matter most.

Baking {30 Days of Gratitude}

I know that this could fit in either "hobbies" or "good food" but baking can almost be therapeutic for me.  Kneading bread dough, shaping, creaming butter and sugar.  It doesn't hurt that the end result is delicious.

This pie was a test run for Thanksgiving and the 'birthday cake' for my Mother-in-law.  My new pie plates are bigger than my old ones so I needed extra dough and extra filling so this ended up with a crumb topping and a shallow pie.

It wasn't necessarily the prettiest pie and Mary Berry would have been appalled at the bottom of my crust, but I have a few weeks to keep going.

My Planner {30 Days of Gratitude}

If I don't write it down in my planner there is a decent chance it may or may not ever get done.  I prefer a paper planner to a phone version by 100.  There is something that concretes my week by sitting down on Sunday with pens, washi tape, stickers, stamps and looking at what needs to be done and when that makes it seem more doable.  I've also been able to look back on dates when filling out paperwork for Neil, not to mention actually making it to everywhere we needed to that first week of chaos and fog.

Today I had made some fun Veteran's Day plans when I opened up my planner and re-remembered that I had a medical shift at the temple today.  I was disappointed in having to cancel my plans, but by the time I came home I realized that I was where I needed to be.

Hobbies {30 Days of Gratitude}

I'm grateful for hobbies.  Something enjoyable to ease the load of must do's with a get to do that hopefully frees our mind from to do lists, meetings, bills and worries of every day.  Unfortunately they are frequently the first thing to get lost when stress increases or time gets short when they are crucial to keeping life balanced.  

Neil gave Charlet and I lessons today, apparently it's a rough transition from a life of softball to golf clubs.  Lindsey does it so hopefully I catch on soon.  I'm hoping that in trade he learns to enjoy photography as much as I do.  Hobbies are more fun with good friends at your side.

Friends {30 Days of Gratitude}

I realize I don't have many pictures of me with my friends, and I haven't had time today to sort through old high school pictures for the times I brought my camera on debate trips or pictures from the few events I do have pictures of me with friends.  Many of my friends aren't local to me anymore and as I've said for years, they live in my phone now.  My friends that live in my phone aren't any less real to me than those I see around town or go walking with, they just live farther away on a map.

My friends have helped me through so many hard times and celebrated the good times with me that it's hard for me to find the words to describe why and how of my gratitude but that doesn't make it any less real or tangible.  Instead of fumbling over those thoughts I'm simply going to say thank you for being in my life.

The two friends up above might not realize it quite yet, but they're quickly becoming best friends and it makes me smile to watch.  I fully expect moans of protest when they see this, but it has to be said.

Right to Vote {30 Days of Gratitude}

I'm grateful for both the right to vote and for those who have fought for the right for me to vote.  Today Charlet and I went to vote (I filled out my mail in ballot but I love to get an "I voted" sticker) and I will let Charlet share her experience at the polls.  Today's election didn't have any big things outside of our little community but the people I voted for today I run into them at the grocery store, school events, or community plays.  I can talk to them personally if I wish.  

Voting isn't something that should be done every 4 years, but every fall.  I hope you got out today and voted too.

Autumn {30 Days of Gratitude}

Autumn is the most magical time of the year.  I know Christmas thinks it's the big deal but it's wrong.  Autumn has crunchy leaves, cool nights, football, promise of long scorching summer days coming to an end.  Fires in the the fireplace, hot cocoa, scary movies with thick blankets and beautiful sunsets across the sky. There is something in every season I love, but most of all I love autumn.

Me Time {30 Days of Gratitude}

Specifically, I am grateful for time for me and for times that I successfully make time for me.  It is very easy to get caught up in life and do all of the "have to" things and when I put myself at the bottom of the "eh, if there is time maybe I will think about it" list I never get there.  As in, never.  I've found that more "have to" things I have the more important it is that I take care of me too.  This summer when I'd been neglecting me I started breathing each time my watch told me to, then when that became more of a habit if I had a few minutes to spare I'd take some of them to do some mindfulness exercises.

The rest of what I do for me is shooting.  Driving home from work today I had a long loud ugh escape my mouth.  I want my 30 days to be stress relieving, not adding to the stress and today it felt very much like another task to check off instead of something to give me a few moments of time.  It's hard in winter, by the time I get home from work it's dark outside and shooting in low light with a kit lens is difficult.  I have a few ideas I'm working on for some posts and they are taking more work than others so on a long work day right after the time change with no pictures banked to rely on I just didn't want to do it.  A block later I realized that days like today are exactly when I need to take time for myself, to write, think, shoot, and focus on anything but the list of things I haven't done yet.  I'm grateful for the things I do to take care of me and the difference a few moments makes in my life.

Night time {30 Days of Gratitude}

A few nights ago I took a few moon pictures practicing for tonight with the full moon, but tonight the moon is hiding behind clouds so now you get my almost full moon practice shots.

With some notable discussions, night time allows for a reset and reflection.  Richard G Scott talks about how valuable the first morning moments are for reflection and insight.  First morning moments aren't possible without night.  The world quiets and stills for a short time. On hard days I get through knowing that night time is coming, giving a break to my body and soul.

Those first nights after Neil's diagnosis and every other Hard Thing I've ever been through have been a long and exhausting.  Afraid to fall asleep because in the morning I'd have to go through the shock of realizing my reality again.  There are a few moments that continue to grow shorter and shorter until they are gone between sleeping and awake before I'd awaken to my reality and my world would come crashing down again. Night still allowed me moments of sleep and a break from all the phone calls and tasks.

Good Food {30 Days of Gratitude}

I know it seems simple, but I really enjoy good food.  Baking, cooking, sous vide'ing, grilling, eating, pretty much all of it!  Great British Bake Off is one of my favorite shows and tonight I tried a hot water pastry crust for homemade pot pies.  The filling was easy peasy and so was the crust, especially for a new recipe and a new method.  I wanted to try at deep dish pie in my springform pan, but there was no agreement on turkey or chicken so I made smaller ones (still a smidge too big for a single serving but that didn't stop me from continuing to eat)

I've never known extended hunger, where my next meal was coming from, or wanting a snack and worried if I ate some of the food in the house I wouldn't be able to get more.  Almost always people are welcome to eat with us because we have plenty and I realize how privileged I am to not know hunger and I am very grateful.

Pictures are nothing to be excited about, I popped up my flash because people were hungry and waiting for me to pull out the tripod was not going to happen!  I also have zero skill at plating food, but it tastes good and that's what matters -- right?

Modern Medicine {30 Days of Gratitude}

I’m frequently grateful for the conveniences that come with modern medicine. IV fluids when I’ve been dehydrated, antibiotics for bladder infections, inhalers when I get bronchitis. It allows me to take better care of my critically ill patients and also provides me with my livelihood.

This year more than other I’m grateful for the advances in medicine, for the chemotherapy that makes Neil so sick, for surgical technique advances and new pain control devices that lower the need for narcotics (that also slow recovery). I’m grateful to those who have gone before Neil leaving behind a grieving family that have provided medical scientists with the information needed to help Neil fight this battle.

Temples {30 Days of Gratitude}

I know the years that 30 days of gratitude were trendy people got tired of the posts.  I haven't seen one yet today, but I've been thinking, planning, writing, and shooting my 30 days for the past few weeks.  It has helped center me and given me a new perspective while evaluating what really matters the most.  If you are one of those who doesn't want to see 30 days posts you also may not want to be seeing my pancreatic cancer awareness posts that will be going on all month long.

Cedar City LDS Temple at sundown

Last Friday the Cedar City LDS temple opened for tours to the public before being dedicated in December.  I've been watching the temple the past few years feeling peace from the beginning while sitting across on the hill, sometimes seeing big changes and sometimes not.  There is nowhere else I have found to remind me of what I value most when life, work, and busyness clouds my priorities and makes it difficult to remember.

Cedar City LDS temple at night