Heather! We've Missed You!

I know I haven't been around much, but life has been crazy.  Like the kind of crazy that teenagers call cray cray.  Let me catch up with what's been going on in our life and a glimpse into the future.

Neil's health is still doing okay.  He is missing enough organs that things will never be back to pre-pancreatic cancer and okay is just fine by me.  He is still followed very close by the oncologist and will continue to do so, but we are far enough out from his NED diagnosis that we are going to have his port removed before the end of the year.  Party or not is still to be determined.

I am still working in the ICU and I love what I do.  Being able to support and help people on very bad days is an amazing privilege and I am grateful to have that opportunity.  I have been shooting nearly every day since Neil's surgery just over two years ago and have focused more on lifestyle and documentary portraits.  It's been fun to see my improvement over time and with a few online workshops.  I am taking a few business and marketing classes to turn my hobby into a business and it's been a challenge, but I'm getting my back to school routine down a bit more.

Michael has moved out on his own and is spreading his adult wings with grace and maturity.  He is doing a diesel mechanic apprenticeship and enjoying it.  Ryker is living in St George and working at Smith's.  The girls (all 3 of them) have been working hard on creating a fall festival out at the Sherratt farm.  This weekend was their opening, if you are in Southern Utah you should definitely go check them out.

Cedar Mountain starting to prepare for winter

Looking ahead I can't see a distinct path, instead, it looks kind of like a funhouse with trick walls and moving bridges that I never understood how people thought they were fun.  I'm taking my President Nelson vitamins and tightening my seatbelt because the only thing I know for certain is that things are changing, and not with just church organizations but the seasons, within me, with our family, and with the world.  As I look around nothing feels familiar and certain.  I know growth comes from places we aren't comfortable, but there is a peace and contentment with comfortable that doesn't come with growth and change and I miss it.  I'm trying to embrace the change and growth with it instead of fighting against it, but somedays sitting on the couch wins.

Expect more blog posts in the future, I promise I won't be gone so long next time.  If for nothing else, school assignments.

~Heather

The Unspoken If

I've been asked several times lately how things are going and the question means, how is Neil's health?   Cancer changes your perspective forever.

For those who don't know, Neil was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer April of 2017.  Our life was immediately turned upside down and people started looking at us as if he'd already died--somewhat justifiably.  The numbers don't favor someone with inoperable Stage III Pancreatic Cancer being around for very much longer.  I very intentionally never asked what kind of life expectancy we were looking at.  There were things I didn't want to know and that was one of them.  He fought like he had forever to live at the end of the fight and I prayed like it was true.  The tumor had shrunk away from the involved vein/artery enough that after 8 rounds of Folfirnox his inoperable tumor was now operable and we spent a week in Murray at IMC for a distal pancreatectomy and splenectomy followed by 8 more rounds of Folfirnox.  Life on Folfirnox is a post all of itself, but for this one we will sum it up by saying it wasn't easy.

Fast forward to January 2018 and we received great news!  There was no sign of cancer anywhere.  Not in his blood work, CT scans, or PET scans -- NED was our new favorite word. What I didn't realize through any of this was that from this day forward we would be handed life in small chunks.  3 months at a time to be specific.  Things look good for now, we will scan you again in 3 months and see how it looks then may as well be rephrased as "here is 3 more months, go live it and we will see if you get 3 more at the end "  Life started being broken up into 3 month chunks between Oncology appointments.  We've still been making long term plans but they come with an unspoken "if" If things are still going well.  If the cancer doesn't come back.  If, if, if.

The risk of recurrence before 2 years is crazy high, so we continue to plug along with time marked of in 3 month chunks as if it was the time signature for the ballad of our life.  We are 9 months or so away from graduating to 6 month chunks and having his port removed.  We're planning a party January of 2020.  If.