I made it!

We've been slow at work for about a month.  Slow at work leads to lots of on call hours and a small paycheck so when the opportunity comes to pick up a shift for someone who is sick you say yes.  Someone needs ER coverage so they can go to a funeral?  Yes, I'd love to!  Volunteer to work the floor during Alice's funeral so that others can go?  Seems like the perfect What Would Alice Do thing to do.

Who knew that we'd get slammed this week and be full more often than not?  Not me for sure.

Halfway through the week I knew I wasn't going to be on call for any of my shifts.  Covering for Alice was pretty much a guarantee, you don't get called off in the ER, and I was already looking for help the next night and there was no way enough patients were going to discharge that we would only need one RN.  The reality of the schedule that crept into my weekend off was overwhelming and I thought that there is no way I can make it through this week.  The list of {Very Important Things That Must Be Done} kept creeping into my mind.  People would ask why I have so many shifts?  Well, because the week before I nearly only had 6 hours for the entire week and I had no idea even on Monday morning when I left the hospital that we'd get as busy as we did.  I didn't want to give anything up -- and it's not like I could have anyways, except for possibly working for Alice but in my mind that is what I was doing.  Working for Alice.  I wasn't working for Darcy so she could go to Alice's funeral.  OT was approved for Saturday's ER shift and finding last minute help because I said yes wasn't going to happen and I wasn't even going to try.  I didn't say yes, but only if I end up on call and really needing the hours.

I had no idea how I'd get through the week but I also knew I didn't have an option.  By Wednesday I knew I'd be getting all of those hours.

Now it's Monday which means it's a new week, and I'm here which means I made it.  Looking back each long shift was worth it, I cared for some great patients, saw some friends I haven't worked with a long time, fell asleep tired knowing I'd done my best. My house is a mess my laundry piles have exploded everywhere and I don't know how many loads of dishes I'm behind.  I made it though, even with a smile on my face at the end.

How much is that like life?  I knew very well when the end of my week was and time frame for getting a break {or the time to catch up on everything I let fall behind on} I use to think that when I graduated from high school then life would be easier {go ahead, laugh} or when I was a parent and was 'the boss' then life would be easy.  Since then I realize that life is hard, sometimes harder than others and hoping I can make it through to a time that isn't as hard and I have a moment to catch my breath.  In life I don't know when next week will be, it seems like each milestone brings with it a new set of challenges without giving me a chance for a breath.

I hope that when I reach it I can look back and think "wow, I remember thinking I'd never finish.  Never make it through.  I didn't think I could do it -- but look I did it!  It was hard but every trial every rock to climb over or around gave me a new perspective or a greater understanding.  Look at how much I gained."  If I find myself smiling as I reflect back even better.

For now, I'm pulling up my skirt and marching forward one step at a time.