Happy

I mentioned the other day that I've been happy lately and I've wanted to expand on that idea. So often the world thinks that happy comes from external forces. Lack of trials, Hard Things missing in your life, good things happening, a beautiful home, well behaved and talented children. Those things may be fun and exciting and have a Christmas morning type of Happy (like Pharrell Williams Happy) that's not what I'm talking about.

This happy is internal and present even in the midst of Hard Things and absence of wonderful things. It's who I am, who I've fought so hard to find because I knew she was in there somewhere yelling and screaming to be found. I've heard her voice when I can look at the chaos in my life and realize that it's okay, when I look in the mirror and am able to laugh at myself and broken tailbone grateful I went skating still I could see a reflection, or reading a book when my life is hidden behind the words I could feel her close.  She's been nearby but just out of reach for too long.

On a particularly hard day I remembered back to high school and Brother Harr asking me if I ever didn't smile because he hadn't seen it. That's the part of me that's is back. My resting face smile has returned. Just like meeting an old friend I know the date and time she found me. I feel more like myself than I have in years. Hard Things are still all around and I don't know how I'm going to do everything I'm suppose to much less everything I want to but I have a smile on my face, peace in my heart and faith that everything is going to be okay. 

To those who stood by me and drug me through my mucky days I am forever thankful. The muck would have swallowed me up if you hadn't been there. Thank you. 

Just because flowers make me happy

~Heather ❤️