Sunday, April 21, 2013

Clarification, rambling, and an update of sorts

Someone needs to take away my ability to write a blog post from my phone while tired.   Even typing >70 wpm my thoughts sometimes run faster than my fingers, pecking out a post on my phone does not do any kind of service to me getting across how I am feeling.

There are a few things that I can say with strong certainty right now.  Friends, family and neighbors care about me and my family and I have several people that if needed I could {and have} called before and after acceptable calling hours for something.  I am very grateful not even daily but hourly for them.

I don't know if the last little bit I've hit a social "how are you doing?" but if I have I haven't noticed.  I have noticed a lot of sincere faces with listening ears {I know, I'm not talking to kids here but it still applies} that have asked "how are you doing?"  often in those conversations include a just as sincere "let me know if there is anything I can do for you"  I know people care.  I know there are friends that know that the answer is going to be "not okay" if a bunch of new flowers show up in my yard.

I've had amazing help the last several years, from a well timed "want to go get a coke?" to muscle strength helping me move things I can't move alone or helping me get rid of the infernal rose thicket.  Twice.  Wait, this year makes three.  A few Christmas's ago before Gromps' funeral my answer when asked what can we do for you was "I don't even know"  Maybe I didn't know, but they did -- and they acted above and beyond anything I could imagine.

That doesn't include the plethora of people who worry about the kids when I'm at work and are willing to give them rides here there and everywhere, including keeping them in line when needed and having them help out on their farm.  I don't know what but I don't doubt that there is a lot more that I could fit into this section.

I know people care, retaught so much when asked at one of the late night calls "what's going on" and my answer was "I can't say right now"  What was happening was definitely secondary to how I was doing.  That few minutes taught me more than I realized -- I hope that farther down the road I can think back and get more out of that experience, and perhaps be that person for someone else.

What I wondered was does how really matter.  As long as the list of stuff gets done, why does the how matter when it comes down to it.

I don't know the answer, but I'm past wondering now -- filing it away into a file of things I wish I never was in a place to feel.  It's turning into a pretty big file.

For everyone wondering how, I'm managing to get up each morning {or equivalent for whatever my shift is} and brushing my teeth.  My sarcasm is coming back at times and I'm playing softball this year on city league. I can even smile a little at the comparison of being told "we just need another girl on the roster" to being picked last for kickball in elementary school.  I still got picked, and I'm hoping softball proves to be a good outlet for me right now.  I do think I'm going to have more color in my front yard this year than I ever have before.

This is what got me out of bed this morning when I nearly turned off the alarm and hid under the covers.




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