Where do you find motivation?

When life gets overwhelming and your list of things that must be done exceeds the resources you have to do it with where do you find the motivation to do what must be done?

When the demands placed on you are greater than your ability to do where do you find the strength for one more day?

When the laundry pile is no longer a solitary mount Washmore but more closely resembles the Rocky Mountains and the outside heat makes the thoughts of running the dryer makes you start to melt where do you begin?

When all the dishes are dirty and you are certain you remember a sink under them, somewhere where do you find the motivation to not run to Brad's for a hamburger dinner?  

When you've been stuffing emotions like a teenager with dirty laundry under their bed how do you find the time and safety to pull them out?

When your mind wanders and it goes across the street and then to the PICU how do you concentrate on home, family, and you?

When you feel lonely and emotions echo around inside how do you reach out?

How do you procrastinate what must be done?  Why you blog of course. 

Edited to add:

As I was starting to do a little bit of everything this afternoon this poem came to mind. We had to memorize the first stanza for debate I believe, but I think it would be move powerful being recited by someone who feels like quitting. 

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are -

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Silent echoes

The house is empty tonight, just me and the dogs and quiet is echoing from the corners of the house the way sadness can echo through your body.  The quiet is deafening.

My mind rewinds time like an old VCR whining and clunky, stopping at all the worst scenes that I wish were edited out and it feels like I am in a time machine.  March seems like eons past while in the same instant only a breath ago.  The juxtaposition of time sends me spinning in a circle, praying to stop when there is a clear, broad view of the strength of the mountains, solace of a winding stream and peace of a still lake.

A long prayerful walk slows, but does not stop, this infernal time warp as I see glimpses of friendly faces, trustworthy friends and beautiful spring flowers.  A deep breath smells of daffodils, warm cookies, and a welcome hug.  

The walk isn't long enough, being leashed to the chaos, not allowed to wander too far and I fight hopelessly against the spinning and resign to the dizziness, at least for now. The house is still silent with emptiness everywhere.  With each breath I can hear whispers of hope shared over the weekend, too soft to understand their magnitude. 

***Thanks for humoring my attempt at getting how I feel out, and no I wasn't trying for any great literary works I just needed to share.  ~Heather***

Watered down posts

I sometimes water down my posts, for different reasons.  Sometimes that days events stirs up some very intense thoughts and while I'm writing they are even more intense.  Definitely out of proportion for their part in my life.  I often will write those posts then sit on them for a while.  Other times I don't want to offend anyone {really, I don't -- I try to get along with people most of the time} and it creates me finding ways to word things delicately or tip toe around what I'm feeling.  The past couple of weeks I haven't written because what I was feeling was very close to my heart and/or inflammatory to other people specifically.

Yesterday on FB {yup, heaven knows I'm not away from there for 2 weeks at a time} someone posted this meme.

The whole reason for me even having this blog is for me.  Not to water down {for whatever reason} what I'm feeling.  There are still times that caution is warranted, this is a public blog and things I skipped over in my I can do hard things post aren't things I want to put out there for the world to see, they're too close to my heart and too personal.  I'm not going to post the  less than charitable things about specific people -- if you can't say anything nice is a good rule to follow after all.  My Valentine's Day post?  Yeah, should have written it.  My "will love make up for it" post that I was thinking of not posting today?  Yup, plan on writing it later tonight.

There is something freeing in writing because you enjoy it not because you are trying to hit a word length {or having to shorten it to meet a minimum} and there is no fear of looking at a carefully thought out paper or poem coming back to you covered in red while the last minute typing it between classes so you can turn it in at 3 pm paper comes back with a glowing grade making you wonder why try so hard?

It's my blog, my thoughts, my feelings, my words and if you don't like it then you don't have to read it.  I write for me, not so that you have something funny or entertaining to read.  Yes I'd like to be funny, inspirational, and humorous but let's face it this is an unknown blog without a lot of traffic and it's safe to say that I'm not inspiring the masses by my posts and definitely not by my lack of posts because I'm unsure.  I may even go back and write my "Dead Flowers and a Cactus" post -- it would at least be funny to those of us who were there.