30 days of gratitude

Remember back when I finished, in a mostly timely manner, my 30 days of gratitude and I said I wanted to make it a weekly event?  No?  Whew, well then maybe you won't care that I forgot too.

I remembered. 

If I were to detail out all of my gratitudes now in individual posts I'd be good for the rest of the year and likely still forget something, someone or a situation.  Not to mention the many little things that I'm unaware of while being globally thankful for a good day. 

Today I'm grateful for people.  From Dad who can do almost anything, Mom who would have stayed home from Alaska if I'd just asked {this year or others} and is the best laminator using clear contact paper that I know to brothers who sent me falling off cliffs, had many graveyard shift conversations, fixed my {whatever} and are only a phone call away. 

In the Mormon Messages video Mountains to Climb Elder Eyring says "the Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up" I fully believe that many of God's miracles are done by ordinary people listening to the spirit and doing what needs to be done, much like the line in Fried Green Tomatoes that says "I believe God has angels walking around disguised as people..."  I don't know what unseen angels are by my sides but I have friends in walking distance to the north, south, east, and west that bear me up, hold me when I can't manage on my own, listen when I need to talk and don't ask questions when I need to not talk. The list of reasons I am grateful for them looks much like a picture of Santa going through the naughty or nice list of all the kids in the world, for the most part innumerable. I've received cards, late night visits to keep me together, kid taxing, smiles and hugs each act of kindness or service keeps me going when I am not certain I can otherwise. Your thoughts and feelings that you have shared with me are invaluable. 

A significant part of my list is ward leadership. I've tried to journal some of the feelings I've had from blessings that I received and I don't think those words exsist in the English language. Having a Priesthood blessing being only a call away is amazing--especially when that call comes in the middle of the night. Home Teachers truly do a lion's share of the Lord's work in quiet regular visits to their families. I have new visiting teachers, and I know that in the past Visiting Teachers have been just as important. 

Working last night in not my home department made me realize how much my work family means to me. The quiet support I get at work helps keep me going from one drip titration to the next. 3west people I miss you too, feel free to call me when the floor is crazier than you can staff.

I'm grateful for the people who are trained to help others, particularly those who love their job.

To strangers going through hard times and blogging about it, thanks you are an inspiration. Those who can tell a story and make me laugh I am grateful you share your talent. Laughter is a potent medication. 

My heart is full of gratitude tonight for all of you. 

I wish I had their life

Long ago and not so far away I remember thinking "I wish I had her life". Things that I was specifically struggling with she was not and I didn't know anyone who didn't enjoy being around her. As I got to know more people here there were more people who could fill in the blank.

A few of those people I've gotten to know better and now call them friends. I enjoy being around them as much as ever but now I know they aren't happy and fun to be around because they have an easy life, they are fun to be around because that is who they are inside, regardless of the trials they were {still are for some}

I wonder how does one find the balance of a smile and best foot forward in times of trial without stuffing all of the emotions and details that must be worked through.

When it doesn't seem to make a difference how do I get up each day? Laundry? Does it ever really matter?

Life is feeling too much like a checklist of very important things that must be done while my mind is always elsewhere.

It is as if life has required amount of worry that is required for each trial. Forget about a test? Required to worry until it is graded and posted at worry level 2. Tests, forgotten and otherwise (except for the NCLEX) have never worried me much though. Serious illness of a loved one? 2 weeks at worry level 8 then a month at worry level 2, to be repeated with each illness flare. Trials in the past that I felt stuck on until there was some kind of resolution dependent on others I have moved past without the resolution or any solid answers

I don't know how much more of my now I can control {change the things you can, accept the rest} and I know that there are things right now that I will not ever accept. Ever. I know I can't change them either. Worry level unmeasurable, length of time undetermined.

I don't know how to improve my perspective right now. How can I be the person I want to be?

{Heather}