Alone.

I don't know how many times since Paul and I separated and especially the last year I've wondered why I have to go through this alone. What "this" is has varied from spring cleaning to shouldering major trials. Today I realized I'm not who I use to be. 

Over the last few years I've discovered my individual worth, uncovered strength buried so deep it was virtually impossible to find and been humbled far beyond what was comfortable. I've made mistakes and stood strong when I felt like crumbling. I've crumbled and had help picking up the pieces.  I'm not through this yet and have started to wondered if there is such a thing and being done with a trial. 

I have grown in ways I never imagined possible. I've learned that sometimes I need thee every hour isn't often enough. Prayer can get one through anything. Faith can do more than move mountains, it can give hope in the middle of the darkest night. A well timed phone call is better than the strongest medicine and true friends are priceless. 

The old me could say those things but the new me believes them with every breath I take. 

I do get weary dealing with life alone, but alone is what has forced me to grow and for that I am deeply grateful.  I've had to deal with this alone so I can become the me I'm meant to be. 

If at some point there are lessons for me to learn not being alone I would be okay with that too, this path is often lonely.