Friday when we were rappelling I started to get pictures of some of the knots in the ropes {yeah, that was when I realized I had the wrong lens on for what I wanted} starting to formulate a 30 days post in my head. Trust. Safety. Adrenaline {nixed that one, I wanted this post to be more thoughtful} Bounced back and forth between safety and trust. We're only safe when we're obedient though, that should fit into there somewhere too.
I kept thinking of the list of things we do to help keep us spiritually safe, started to turn it into a mental check list for where I am at too. You know the list of Primary answers that answer almost everything {because the plain and simple answers are truly where our strong anchors are} I had those on the list and like every other time I made a list about things that need to be done I started to get overwhelmed. I haven't {anything} enough lately. Things have been going well and of course habits starts to slip. Fall asleep exhausted before evening prayers. Rush out the door without spending some time to read and ponder. Do I have to mention how easy it is to skip Family Home Evening when I work on a Monday?
I stopped brainstorming this post and made a mental note that those kinds of lists don't manage to keep me on track. I got my picture of the knot, well not the exact picture I'd hoped for but I'm happy with it anyways. I was harnessed up, hair pulled back, gloved up and clipped onto the rope. That safety line that would keep me tethered and safe not free falling to hard ground below. I even had my camera with me, debated about having Kim stop me on the edge of the free fall to get a picture {frustrated at myself for having the wrong lens on} I back up to the edge, grateful that my arm has healed to where I can go rappelling again, listen to a few jokes about the camera {I had it inside my shirt so it wasn't bouncing around} and back up.
If you haven't been rappelling the initially leaning backwards over the edge of a cliff is by far the scariest part, also important to note here is that your dominant hand is your brake hand {I'm right handed}. The longer it's been since you've been rappelling the scarier it is. The list runs through my head. Can I see red on the harness? Does the figure 8 look right? I don't have the gloves with the wear spot in them do I? Are the leg straps on the harness tight enough I'm not going to get that tiny bit of slip that makes your heart race? Camera staying out of the way of the figure 8? {how do people secure their camera equipment who go rappelling with it?}
Soon all the fears go away and I'm having fun, thinking next time I'm leaving my camera elsewhere {besides, I don't have a single picture of me rappelling ever I bet I could trust one of the older girls with it and get a picture of me}. Maybe, it is my baby after all. I'm at the edge where the free fall starts and you have to lean back just like you do initially and I take a breath and lean back.
In a fraction of a second I realize my right hand has lost it's grip. I'm trying to figure out if I can move my left hand to be a brake since I wouldn't have to step over the rope and WHY??? I have had very few gripping problems with my right hand. How far from the edge of the free fall to the bottom? Is that very big rock at the bottom below me or Felisa? Drop and roll, I can't forget to roll. Oh, what will rolling do to my camera. I can't break anything I don't have anymore time off of work. I don't want to ruin everyone's rappelling trip.
Then the rope goes taught and I slow down. I realize I've only slipped a foot {if that, but I promise it was scary and a million things ran through my mind} and have my back to the wall. I still don't know if at that point my brake hand would work but I couldn't figure out how to spin myself around. Kim lowered me safely to the ground and all was well. I've never had to rely on the belayer to keep me safe, other than when going down with kids and having them help do some of the work but I've always been grateful they're there. This weekend the gratitude goes a little farther.
Sitting up on the hill taking pictures I realized that one thing on the list that I've been missing is the importance of good friends. Friends who know that a simple tug on a rope will lower you safely down, friends who know the difference in "can we go for a walk sometime, I'd like to talk" and "is there some time today we can talk?" isn't about word choice but something deeper inside. A phone call to just see how things are going or a text on a day that could be extra lonely. Good friends have kept me safe, stopped me from falling off the edge and kept me grounded. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
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